October 18, 2008 one day before my birthday, I found out I was pregnant! Tears of joy, excitement, fear, and worry flooded my eyes. I was so humbled by the thought that there was a baby growing inside of me. Worried thoughts of how will we raise the child, are we ready to become parents, what will the baby look like, all thoughts entered my mind all at once. For the next few days, all i talk about are about babies, my plans for her/him, activities we will do together as family, etc. The joy of having a baby overwhelmed our worry and fear of our financial situation. We prayed hard for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Then four days later, I started to bleed and have abdominal cramps, my husband rushed me to the Emergency Room. After waiting for almost 4 hours in the ER, we were seen by a doctor and after a series of tests they told me something is very wrong. Based on my cycle, I was already 6 weeks pregnant but my blood HCG level is just on the early pregnancy range and they didnt see anything in the ultrasound.
With heavy hearts we went back home and then my abdominal cramps heightened, and I passed out a big glob of meaty tissue and clotted blood. I stared at it in silence and grief while hot tears streamed from my eyes. For two days I stayed in bed. The abdominal cramps was too painful it took my breath away. We went back to the hospital and test results showed that I am not pregnant anymore and that it was a complete miscarriage.
For a moment I want to think It was God's plan, But God doesn't plan to kill people. Deaths, miscarriages, illnesses and all other bad things are the result of sin in general. Losing my unborn baby is painful, how much more painful it was for God the Father to see His son suffered on the cross for humanity.
I am doing fine now, the cramps and bleeding were gone. But the joy that i once felt to be given such wonderful gift and the pain of losing it, still remains in my heart and reminds me that no matter what we go through in life, there is a God who understands our joys and pains because he experienced it
Then four days later, I started to bleed and have abdominal cramps, my husband rushed me to the Emergency Room. After waiting for almost 4 hours in the ER, we were seen by a doctor and after a series of tests they told me something is very wrong. Based on my cycle, I was already 6 weeks pregnant but my blood HCG level is just on the early pregnancy range and they didnt see anything in the ultrasound.
With heavy hearts we went back home and then my abdominal cramps heightened, and I passed out a big glob of meaty tissue and clotted blood. I stared at it in silence and grief while hot tears streamed from my eyes. For two days I stayed in bed. The abdominal cramps was too painful it took my breath away. We went back to the hospital and test results showed that I am not pregnant anymore and that it was a complete miscarriage.
For a moment I want to think It was God's plan, But God doesn't plan to kill people. Deaths, miscarriages, illnesses and all other bad things are the result of sin in general. Losing my unborn baby is painful, how much more painful it was for God the Father to see His son suffered on the cross for humanity.
I am doing fine now, the cramps and bleeding were gone. But the joy that i once felt to be given such wonderful gift and the pain of losing it, still remains in my heart and reminds me that no matter what we go through in life, there is a God who understands our joys and pains because he experienced it
3 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage Eugeene. Cheer up, God has another plan for you. I'm pretty sure He will give you a baby in His time. Don't lose hope, you're still young. God knows what's best for us.
Thank you for praying for me. I need it sis. I'll be praying for you too that God will give you the desire of your heart.
Happened to me two times. Lost my baby 2 times and now my husband and i just decide to wait a couple more years before trying again. The first time it didn't hurt that much but the second time hurt so much emotionally since me and my husband are desperate to have a little kid running around the house. But i know God knows best, so when the right time come. He will give me and my husband a healthy baby but if He chose not to give us one, we will still praise Him. Take care and God bless you
guys i am so sorry i didnt check my blog for a loooooooooong time. thank you for the kind words. it's been almost 5 years since i posted this blog..i had 2 more miscarriages.i'm not losing hope though. like @afparks here said we will still praise God no matter what.
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